Steven Seagal, humble servant of the Emperor
by Dreamsofiron
Summary: The chronicle of rise and fall of controversial Imperial commander known only as Steven Seagal. A cautionary tale for Imperial officers.


Saga of Seagal (Cautionary tale for Imperial officers)

Solemn shadows of dying sky covered the eldritch, emerald EARTH with their sensuous whispers. The GLORIOUS manly bastard, known only as Steven Seagal, was covered in sweet DARK blood of vile xenos who were blasphemously truing to spread disgusting UNMANLY peace. PEACE?! Peace is for the weak, for women and COWARDS! And as we all know the weak have no place in this life!

Loathsome xeno orphanages were bathed in cleansing FLAMES of the Emperor and grotesque bodies of xeno spawn were slowly being incinerated.

"No more will you pollute this beautiful universe with your pathetic ugliness!" ejaculated Steven Seagal while cleaning the scarlet xeno blood and precious splattered brains from his glorious, epic, DIVINE leather uniform of ultimate PERFECTION.

"How dare you defile my godly UNIFORM with your disgusting life fluids, you alien freaks!" lamented Steven Seagal while cleaning his long, HARD and manly sword.

Curses escaped from his herculean lips as his tense OILED body was still recovering from blood splattered combat with heretical pacifists of Ghandi nebula! The hour was late and the wolves were howling in the wind.

But then, like primordial fire of thousand worlds set ABLAZE, a voluptuous and lusty demoness appeared ERECT before him. Insane toughts of fear and disgrace echoed through Seagals mind as he feared that she may DEFILE his manliness!

"What do you want from me foul creature?!" gasped Seagal while gathering his lost COURAGE!

"I desire your body, your sweet massive muscles and your GLORIOUS life fluids! I want to drink from the fountain of your virility! Embrace me and fill me with love and BURNING forgotten passion!" screamed the monstrous creature with the sound of hundred opened graves.

Avatar of bravery and RAW manliness known as Steven Seagal started sweating like caged ANIMAL! He feared that his precious Manhood may be LOST forever and so he jumped into action, like SILVER lion sensing danger!

"Begone loathsome WRENCH!" he ejacualized as he pushed his LONG, wet sword toward the BEAST.

Aeons passed in his mind, but after the mental fog cleared he realized to his infinite HORROR that the abominable thing dodged his attack and is now BEHIND him.

The fell beast started tearing his precious uniform and SINKING her foul claws into our BRAVE and COURAGEOUS heros naked flesh,

"Oh merciful heavens, why must I suffer! Oh beloved Emperor release me from this mortal coil!" cried PROUDLY Steven Seagal in his turmoil.

"Shut up and let me put this tentacle in your HOLY place!" roared the soulless beast with DARK intentions.

"No not my holy place, anything but that!" screamejected Steven Seagal. But then something wondrous happened, Seagals bowels released a river of hot STEAMING shit that covered the monster from head to toe.

"Arrrrggghhh, my make up is ruined!" agonized the creature.

"You should have never insulted the servant of the GLORIOUS Emperor, BITCH!" laughed Seagal heartily in his victory.

After that he used his MANLY flamer to burn the pile of shit with the beast buried inside!

"It was a GLORIOUS DAY indeed!" gasped Seagal after his massive relief.

But then his men found him naked and covered in SHIT, his once glorious and sexy uniform completely ruined.

"You betrayed us, you are a COWARD!" screamed the brave SOLDIER known only as the Ass Slave.

"It's not what it looks like mister Slave!" whimpered Seagal like glorious BEAVER.

"Ill show you what it looks like!" roared Ass Slave full of pain because of his commanders betrayal and used his powerful laser to roast Seagal alive.

After the nightmarish pain, Steven Seagal awoke in complete darkness. His heart was pounding fast! He started praying to Emperor but no one answered.

"Where am I?" he inquired while covered in cold sweat.

"You are home." answered the lusty seductive voice.

"W-who is that?" asked Seagal faggishly.

"It is me your beloved." answered the demoness as she stepped out of the shadows.

"No... no, no NOOOOO! IT CAN'T BE!" cried Seagal in impotent anger.

"Yes it can, you are now with me!" answered the beast while licking her lips.

NO ENDING (some say that they can still hear Seagals screams in the wind... )


End file.
